I may be too short, or perhaps too tall.
I don’t seem able to swim at all.

I can’t drive a car, I can’t fly a plane,
Exercising too much always gives me a pain.

I think cities are too crowded, the country to plain.
The jungles are too hot with far too much rain.

I come from the north.  I live in the west.
The east is beautiful, the south is the best.

I find the summers too hot and the winters to cold
I am way too young and far too old.

I fear so much I don’t know where to begin…
Water, heights, dogs, clowns, priests and sin.

I don’t have a job.  I work too many hours.
I only take baths.  I love to take showers.

I find oceans too salty, ponds full of mud,
Lakes are too calm and rivers tend to flood.

I don’t have children, a dog or a cat. 
I am much too thin and way to fat.

You may say I am not perfect but I disagree.
For I am the only me that there ever shall be.